Capricorn

Capricorn
I’m supposed to be
responsible, disciplined.

But a storm swirls around
the inside of my head,
Like the leaves swirl around
in a whirlwind storm.

I cried because
I saw everyone rising to sing
the national anthem
in unity
the day he won the election.

My heart broke because
after all that had happened,
An ice rink full of thousands
all joined together in voice.

I would throw hatred
into the Bermuda Triangle,
and I never want to use a gun
 Because I don’t want others to hurt.
I’d rather have the barrel pointing at myself.
I’d rather be the one hurt.

I’ve never told someone I love them
because I’d rather make it clear
by the smile in my eyes.
but I never smile for pictures,
somehow my eyes are deeper without a smile.

I’m named after my grandmother.
And I miss the other one
like the trees miss their leaves in winter.
My heart is like a barren winter wood
Nothing but trees and snow,
where the woods are lovely, dark and deep.
And I can say that
I have kept my promises and earned my sleep.