Poem: The River

I was in New York
floating down an endless river.
It was a black river
and the blackness was so deep
I couldn't see anything around me.
Except for little yellow lights
Strung up among trees
on the banks of the black, black river.

And you wanted me
to leave and go somewhere
far, far away with you.
And even though
I hated New York, I loved the river,
and I couldn't leave it and go.

Poem: Closer

You were lying in that
dumb hospital bed.
Looking so weak,
so helpless.

And I reached out
to hold you.
And to tell you
that you would
soon get better.

But she was instantly
in my face.
Warning me
to stay away,
don't go near, Maeli!

But I ignored her
because you were
my essence.
And you were
much more important
to me than I was to myself.

Poem: Too Late

Hockey.
One word that can evoke
Two million different emotions
Inside of me.
And that is why
When my dad told me to take
My two younger sisters
To a hockey game
I willingly kept back my excitement.

It was a windy day
In Washington, DC,
And we were going to see
The Washington Capitals
Play against another meager team.
I gathered them all up
And took them to the empty garage
Underneath that large building
That was empty.
Where you could hear
The sound of the puck
Banging off the glass
Because there was no one there.

One of my sisters got there.
And I told her to stay and wait
For the rest of us to come.
Then I went back to get
My youngest sister and
My brother.
I kept having to go back
Struggling against the bleak
December weather
And the wind that tore
Past the heavy jacket
That I had put on
Even though I didn’t usually
Wear jackets.

When all of them were finally there,
I went back one last time
Because I wanted to cheer on my team
Wearing team colours.
I would just change
And then I’d be back.
But it wasn’t that simple.
Because I got lost in the garage
And somehow didn’t make my way back
Until all the action was over.
And my hockey-loving heart
Broke into a million pieces.
It isn’t whole yet.
I know I’ll have to wait
Quite a few years
For my heart to slowly mend itself.

Poem: Nonconformity

I love snowy winter days
because the snow comes down
and softly kisses the ground and the trees
I love the rain because it comes down
and gently wipes away the tears of nature.

I love the sound of the wind rustling through the trees,
the feeling of the ocean spray on my face
when it crashes against the rocks,
and the smell of the first day of winter.
I would love to be a park ranger
and explore the places no one has been before,
but I would love to be a mountain climber
and reach heights no one has reached before.

I have achieved none of my dreams
and yet some tell you that I have.
I am usually late
because the world rushes by so fast.
I wish I could go back.
I miss having no responsibilities,
and when my biggest fear
was scraping my knees on the playground.
I envy those who have no past
to look back at and regret.

I regret not showing my grandmother
how much I love her.
I regret lying to my sister
when I told her I would stay quiet.
I would take trust over love
because I could love somebody to my death,
no matter how they have wronged me,
but once you lose my trust it is gone.
It’s so hard for me to tell somebody
the three words ‘I love you.’
and as I face the wall with tears in my eyes,
The hardest thing for me to give up on
is that there is a pinch of good inside
even the evilest person.

I’d go give a homeless person CPR
if they were dying.
because conformity bores me.
I love the lynx because it is an uncommon picture
of majesty and beauty.
I like spicy food because it wakes me up.
My favourite book tells tall tales
of whimsical faeries and a dark faery prince
that scares you but not with enough fear
to make you stay away.

Poem: Forgotten Thoughts

There was something I was thinking about
Right before I went to sleep
Last night.
And I remember it
Because I was thinking
Of a certain thing I needed to say.
I needed to put it in a poem
And describe the inferno
Happening inside.

And I told myself I would write it
Tomorrow morning.
There is no way I can forget it.
But I forgot it.
And now my mind goes on in overdrive
Trying to remember the phrase
That was so important to me.

It had something to do
With grey or white
Or something blank
But it was something I knew vividly
Three dreams
Now turned into two
And one that has
Slipped through the cracks
And run away
From my mind
Into the vast wilderness.

Poem: Chicagoan Elevators

Sometimes there are dreams
Where the plot is forgotten
And insignificant details are remembered.
Like that dream
Where there were elevators in Chicago,
Elevators that were broken down
Elevators that took me to new heights,
In a hotel
Where I could see through the glass
of the elevator I stood in.

Except it wasn’t glass.
It was like shredded cardboard.
And it was creaking
under my heavy weight.
And the shrieking noise it made
Pulled the demons I had inside of me
To the surface.
I couldn’t remember what I was doing.
Or what the purpose of my existence was.
It was like I was swimming in a sea
Of seventy shades of forgetfulness.

But all I knew of the world around me
Was that among all the drab offices,
And whitewashed walls,
And different people,
I had forgotten something.
And the elevators frightened me.
And my mouth told lies.

And I went up and down
trying to find my mission.
But all I found
were the faces of the forgotten.
Maybe one or two that I knew.
But I was lost in this giant world
Where I knew no one
And but few knew me.

I had a mission
But I forgot what it was.
Passiveness
Became a part of me
Although it was unwanted.
And even though I knew I did something
I didn't know or remember
What it was that happened.

Poem: Changes

I thought it was real
But no it couldn’t be
Because I was living
With the she-devil
And one day I was playing cards
And she was in her bedroom
Talking on her cell phone
I heard words that cut into me
Deep cuts that couldn't be healed.
And when she came out
Everything was normal again
Except for that I knew
What she had said about me.
She thought I didn’t try hard enough.
But I tried my best
And I invited my friend over
And she helped me get better.
My cell phone was in my pocket
Because I called my best friend
To tell her of each day
And how I wanted out.

I got my break.
Me and my girl
We could go help out
In a war-torn country.
They landed us in a dusty street,
Flashes of light going off.
And we ran our hearts out
Trying to get away from the blasts
That kept going off
In orange lights
And flames in the distance.
Pushing the dust up
And stinging my eyes.

We ran across the street
I grasped her hand tightly
Trying not to get torn away
But she was faster than me.
And I was left trying to cross
The street.
But the wind was blowing me back
And I couldn’t run across
I wondered why my legs weren’t working.
And my panic kept rising
As I kept trying to run faster
Across the street
Clogged with cars.

And my cell phone,
Still in my back pocket
Ready for me to call home
Was taken by a man
His eyes full of fear
Full of grief and sorrow.
I was upset because I couldn’t call my
Best friend to let her know.

When we got back home
We waited in the nearby park
Waiting for anyone to show up.
And my best friend opened her door
When she saw that we were back.
We went in
And we reflected on our trip.
It hurt to remember
The words that the she-devil had said
About me that night in the bedroom.
And I wished I would have amnesia.
But I told my best friend
About all my worries.
And then she told me
That I could move in with her.